Her mind is a map,

extending for miles.

She’s constantly lost in thought,

but never in direction.

Knowing exactly where she's been,

where she currently is,

and where she's going.

She’s made up of rusted nails,

sparkling glitter,

and VHS tapes.

Standing knee deep in textbooks

She picks up the one on Anatomy.

And is transported into a world

Of human dissection and unbelievable diseases

with lengthy names.

She may not know what happens after death,

or If there are any other worlds up in space,

but that’s what she thinks about

when she’s lost in her thoughts

Trying to find her way back.

Trip to Arcata!

I went up to Arcata a while ago to visit Humboldt State and I meant to make a post, but never got around to it. I have time right now, so I guess I'll just do it now. Only two months late, but whatever.

Dorms!

On October 31 (on Halloween), I flew out to Arcata for a recruiting trip. Three hours from Oregon, nestled between the beautiful red wood forests of Northern California and the sand dunes of the coast, is Humboldt State. It's so green and pretty there. You definitely don't see that much green back home.

The view of Humboldt County from the plane!

When I arrived at the airport in Arcata, the coach was there to pick us up and drive us to campus. "Us" being me and another recruit from Tustin. We drove through the school and Coach pinpointed major areas on campus. We would go on a more thorough tour later. We were then transferred over from the head coach to the assistant coach.

He took us to a workout location, talked to us about the team, the coaching, and he told us a little bit about his background. We went on a campus tour and then to lunch after.

The weather was so different from home. It rains there. They actually have cloudy days more than seven days a year and it's freaking cold there! If it's under a comfortable 70 degrees, I will endlessly complain about it. It was like 50 to low forties there, that's insane. It was coooooold. Something I realized is that the further north you go, the people get more chill. Everyone is so busy down south and that can sometimes translate to rude personalities. Everyone is also really materialistic in Southern California.

People up north don't care and I love that. They don't care if you drink and they couldn't care less if you didn't. They don't care if you dress up like it's Halloween everyday. And I was informed that there are people who do dress up in "costumes" everyday on campus, but no one cares. People will still talk to you and want to be your friend and I think that's amazing.

After the tour we met in the head coach's office and talked about how their season was going and we looked at meet results before getting geared up for a run with the team. Meeting and running with the team was so much fun! Everyone was in costume and we were running around town in costumes. We went into a lot of stores and jogged around. We ran through the redwoods and running there is so magical.

After the run I went back to Rachel's room. She was my host and she was so nice! We hung out in her room for a bit, had dinner, then we met with the other girls on the team to get ready to go to a party at the track house! The story behind the track house is that an ex-coach rents out the house to some of the guys on the team. It's about a 15 minute walk from campus.

Rosie the Riveter!

There were three other recruits at the party. Stephanie was one of them and she was really cool! We have actually met up at meets since then and we still talk. She dressed up as a baseball player and I was Rosie the riveter. Ryan was one of my favorite guys on the team. He's gay, so he dressed up as a rainbow. He likes to make other guys feel awkward and is always making gay comments to make straight guys uncomfortable. My other favorite guy was CM. His name itself was pretty cool. I mean, isn't CM a cool name? It's two letters. I don't really remember what he dressed up as. He gave off a seventies hippie vibe. His personality was really relaxed and he was pretty cool
The party was a normal college party. There was weed, alcohol, street fights, cops. The athletes are definitely the partiers.

The day after, we went on a hike and it was the best hike I've ever been on. I'll include a video below.

The thing about Arcata is that it's beautiful, but it isn't a place I can see myself living in for four years. I wish I was the outdoorsy type, but I'm not. I'm a city girl and Arcata is a tiny town in the middle of nowhere. I need to be around tons of people and noise. I need stimulants. I'm pretty sure I'd go insane without any stimulation and a city provides just that. Also, there isn't a mall there :o

Arcata is a place I would go to on vacation for about two weeks, but It's just not for me.

You should visit sometime,

The Red Woods.

Adz.

The workout location! It's kind of hard to tell, but that's a lake.
The clouds/mountains are reflecting off of it.

Life Lesson 32

It's okay to hurt.

For a star to form,
A nebula must collapse.

Without that, there is no star.

So collapse.
Crumble
Fall apart
Hurt
Scream
Have a mental breakdown
  Have two.

This is not the end.
This is not your destruction.
This is your rebirth.

Recuerdos de tì

Recordar 
Es volver a vivìr

Vivir en el dìa cuando llegaste
Ese dia quería vivir mil veces
Otra ves

Pero pensando al dia que me dejaste
Me deja
Casi quebrada
Casi en làgrimas. 

Life Update #2: College and laughing gas.

Life update as of October 17, 2014--

Running:  

League Meet #2:  The winning time was 19:30. There were girls running that have gone into the low 18's and the winning time was 19:30.

DP Invitational: I couldn't run DPI because of my wisdom tooth removal!

Mt. SAC: We run Mt. SAC in a week and I'm reallllllly excited for it! That's my favorite course ever! I don't know how the iron deficiency will effect my time, but this will be my sixth time running it, so I'm ready!

Health:

Wisdom tooth extractions: I had all four of my wisdom teeth removed two days ago! The nitrous oxide was so cool! There's something about feeling numb and tingly that's just really cool. 

They were erupted, not impacted wisdom teeth, so they had already grown out and were visible. That made them hurt and there was a ton of pressure in my mouth. It's nice to not have that pressure or pain anymore. I still have chipmunk cheeks, but it's not as bad as it was a few days ago. I can't eat solid foods and that sucks. I'm tired of eating  mashed potatoes. 

Weight: Since I can't really eat anything, I've lost weight. I'm down to 109. 

College:

CSU App: I haven't started filling out the CSU application, but I will start that tomorrow, if not Sunday, but I really have to get it done!

Official Visits: I'm going on an official visit to Humboldt State on Halloween weekend! I booked a flight a few days ago and I'm really looking forward to it! Arcata is right by Oregon, so they share similar characteristics; cold, cloudy, and foresty. Sounds like my kind of place.

Signing Day???: Signing day is, I think, sometime in the second week of November. I'm about 90% sure I'm going to commit and sign with San Jose State. It's the only D1 school I've been in contact with (the rest are D2) and in the end, I know my decision is going to be based on which school will be able to better support me financially. SJSU has tons of money for their athletes and I don't think I'm going to find a better scholarship offer.

#30

My past few posts have been kind of depressing, so I think it's time for a life lesson I discovered today.

Life lesson #30:

If you're not happy, do something about it. Being sad is optional. Pain may be inevitable, but suffering is optional.

I am so tired of hearing people complain about being upset or angry about something, but they won't do anything to change it. They just stay sad and accept the situation they are in. I'm definitely guilty of this, but I decided I'm not going to do it anymore. 

I am going to take control of my happiness.

I brought dishonor to my people.

Today was the most disappointing day ever. I finished fifth in today's race. I was leading for the entire race and I was passed by four people in the last 100 meters.

I didn't PR.
I didn't meet peoples expectations.
I didn't meet my own expectations.
There's tons of pressure to run well if you're getting recruited by a D1. Running in college is my way out of here and I need to keep my athletic scholarship.
I have to call four college coaches tomorrow, who all say to "keep them updated," and tell them I'm haven't been racing how I usually do.
I'm taking iron supplements now because anemia is real and it could possibly be the cause of my lack of speed.

Everything is just kind of 'Ugh' right now. I mean, everything has always been 'ugh.' It's just more right now.



Update: 28 Sept. 2014

My splits were 5:56, 5:39, and 7:14. I don't know what happened in the third mile :(

Keeping Stars.

Her eyes are the stars 
that form constellations

The brightest of all

You've seen,

By far

Her voice is in the ocean breeze

If you listen closely you can hear her
The sound is crisp 
like winter

Warm 
like summer

Her touch 

Is in the rays of the sun

Her laugh is in

your favorite song

Too bad she won't be here for long

She's the happiness you never knew
Never will know

But could have known

If you let it show
and let her know

That you see the universe in her eyes
And that you weren't ready 
to say goodbye.

Girls Who Run with Wolves.

"Girls who run with wolves

aren't here for boys to love

The moon sings every night,

pulls the ocean's tides to shore

your heart belongs to every star

screams dance upon your lips

a princess should be built 

of stars and suns and forevers.

Your mother told you fairy tales

but she didn't tell you this:

When the sun sets and the wolves run

you will find that sometimes

the princess and the witch are one

and red riding hood will eat the wolf

There is fire in your blood

a forest building in your veins

don't try to lose the moonlight

you were meant for this

Between dawn and dusk

you were made of miracles

and you can run all you want

but in the light of the moon

the wolves will always call you back."

Home of the Spartans.

So. I've been talking with the coach at a school I really want to run for, for a few months now and today I went for a visit and I got to meet him! We talked for a while and this is what came up:

• If I committed  my athletic scholarship would cover 70% of the total cost of attendance. It would completely cover tuition and fees, books and housing. Basically, I would only have to pay for food. And that's great, because I can't pay for college.

If I can run a 17:50-17:40 on Mt. SAC, or if I preform really well throughout the season once I'm racing for their team, the percentage goes up.

•Apparently, division 1 programs get free training gear! I looooooove training gear! That's free trainers, spikes, a nike backpack, a customized XC/TF shirt and jacket, and running tights! There is nothing I love more than a good pair of running tights. #legitrunnerpants

• The coach coached at Boise State and even got to coach Emma Bates for a while! She's fast! She was the 2013 runner up at nationals for cross country and she placed third in the 5k at nationals for track! I want to be Emma Bates when I grow up.

And I get to go on a run with a few of the girls on the team tomorrow morning! 

Yee.

The problem with time is that we always seem to think we have enough.

I'm not studying for the SAT right now because I think I'll have enough time to study for it later. 
I woke up five minutes later this morning because I thought five minutes wouldn't be much of a difference. It was, by the way.
I was supposed to clean my room before my mom got home from work. I thought I would get it done before she got home, but I didn't. 
I didn't spend time with the people I wanted to because I thought I would have tons of time with them. 

Overestimating the time you have is easy.

You think you have all the time in the world, but then you realize you didn't have all the time you thought you did when it runs out. At that point it's too late to do anything about it. 

Sucks to suck.