#30

My past few posts have been kind of depressing, so I think it's time for a life lesson I discovered today.

Life lesson #30:

If you're not happy, do something about it. Being sad is optional. Pain may be inevitable, but suffering is optional.

I am so tired of hearing people complain about being upset or angry about something, but they won't do anything to change it. They just stay sad and accept the situation they are in. I'm definitely guilty of this, but I decided I'm not going to do it anymore. 

I am going to take control of my happiness.

I brought dishonor to my people.

Today was the most disappointing day ever. I finished fifth in today's race. I was leading for the entire race and I was passed by four people in the last 100 meters.

I didn't PR.
I didn't meet peoples expectations.
I didn't meet my own expectations.
There's tons of pressure to run well if you're getting recruited by a D1. Running in college is my way out of here and I need to keep my athletic scholarship.
I have to call four college coaches tomorrow, who all say to "keep them updated," and tell them I'm haven't been racing how I usually do.
I'm taking iron supplements now because anemia is real and it could possibly be the cause of my lack of speed.

Everything is just kind of 'Ugh' right now. I mean, everything has always been 'ugh.' It's just more right now.



Update: 28 Sept. 2014

My splits were 5:56, 5:39, and 7:14. I don't know what happened in the third mile :(

Keeping Stars.

Her eyes are the stars 
that form constellations

The brightest of all

You've seen,

By far

Her voice is in the ocean breeze

If you listen closely you can hear her
The sound is crisp 
like winter

Warm 
like summer

Her touch 

Is in the rays of the sun

Her laugh is in

your favorite song

Too bad she won't be here for long

She's the happiness you never knew
Never will know

But could have known

If you let it show
and let her know

That you see the universe in her eyes
And that you weren't ready 
to say goodbye.

Girls Who Run with Wolves.

"Girls who run with wolves

aren't here for boys to love

The moon sings every night,

pulls the ocean's tides to shore

your heart belongs to every star

screams dance upon your lips

a princess should be built 

of stars and suns and forevers.

Your mother told you fairy tales

but she didn't tell you this:

When the sun sets and the wolves run

you will find that sometimes

the princess and the witch are one

and red riding hood will eat the wolf

There is fire in your blood

a forest building in your veins

don't try to lose the moonlight

you were meant for this

Between dawn and dusk

you were made of miracles

and you can run all you want

but in the light of the moon

the wolves will always call you back."

Home of the Spartans.

So. I've been talking with the coach at a school I really want to run for, for a few months now and today I went for a visit and I got to meet him! We talked for a while and this is what came up:

• If I committed  my athletic scholarship would cover 70% of the total cost of attendance. It would completely cover tuition and fees, books and housing. Basically, I would only have to pay for food. And that's great, because I can't pay for college.

If I can run a 17:50-17:40 on Mt. SAC, or if I preform really well throughout the season once I'm racing for their team, the percentage goes up.

•Apparently, division 1 programs get free training gear! I looooooove training gear! That's free trainers, spikes, a nike backpack, a customized XC/TF shirt and jacket, and running tights! There is nothing I love more than a good pair of running tights. #legitrunnerpants

• The coach coached at Boise State and even got to coach Emma Bates for a while! She's fast! She was the 2013 runner up at nationals for cross country and she placed third in the 5k at nationals for track! I want to be Emma Bates when I grow up.

And I get to go on a run with a few of the girls on the team tomorrow morning! 

Yee.

The problem with time is that we always seem to think we have enough.

I'm not studying for the SAT right now because I think I'll have enough time to study for it later. 
I woke up five minutes later this morning because I thought five minutes wouldn't be much of a difference. It was, by the way.
I was supposed to clean my room before my mom got home from work. I thought I would get it done before she got home, but I didn't. 
I didn't spend time with the people I wanted to because I thought I would have tons of time with them. 

Overestimating the time you have is easy.

You think you have all the time in the world, but then you realize you didn't have all the time you thought you did when it runs out. At that point it's too late to do anything about it. 

Sucks to suck.